Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize