Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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