it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
