you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
