im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
