remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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