I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
