I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
