He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
