I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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