the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
