Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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