i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
