he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
