did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
