dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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