I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
