if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
