none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
