i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
