i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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