he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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