Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
