Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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