The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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