Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
