she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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