Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
even my farts smell like vagina
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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