do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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