I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
