People in love make me want to vomit
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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