Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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