oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
