Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
