Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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