I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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