that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
