Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
