And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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