u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
