My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
