Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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