If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
