I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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