hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize