all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
