So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I pour the whiskey from now on
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
