It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
