Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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