He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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