goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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