I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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