i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
