3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
