just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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