Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.

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(954): View more from Florida

i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.

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(607): View more from New York

just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now

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(818): View more from California

I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed

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(410): View more from Maryland

I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.

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(812): View more from Indiana

These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.

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