I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
pop tarts are not kleenex
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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