so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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