you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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