ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Pooping to opera.
Randomize