ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
