So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
40s are totally the cure
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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