Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
