That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
