PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
