I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
