I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
