Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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