i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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