Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
