I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
